By Diane Porter

You’re in the mall. You’re on the Web. You’re attempting to decipher the completely mixed fashion messages in the fall collections: Clothes are black and white, unless they’re grey; trends are sleek and minimalist, except when layered and chunky; silhouettes are classic, except when ragged and asymmetrical.

We hear, we know, we understand. We can make sense of it. Breathe, order a latte and get comfortable as we list scene-stealers for your closet this fall.

1. On the A-List: The Waist

We know! We hate sit-ups too! But fall’s collections highlight the waist in so many pretty ways you’ll be inspired to work out. (That’s a nonfat latte, right?) Dresses are cinched, sweaters and coats are belted, and the peplum waist gets some flattering reinterpretations.

Try this: A shimmery eggplant-colored Nicole Miller dress sculpts the shoulders, hugs the waist and swirls around the knees. Vera Wang tucks thin black leggings (We know, the L-word gives you shivers. But the ’80s are history, and this is Vera Wang) under an hourglass top in one outfit and beneath a ballerina dress in another. Even a slouchy cardigan sweater can’t hide this gorgeous gathered waist.

Chanel pairs the same hourglass silhouette with a skirt that just grazes the knee. So chic, n’est-ce pas? We are obsessively stalking Emporio Armani’s classy peplum-shaped suit, which skims the body in all the right places. We aren’t as sure about Bottega Veneta’s knit dress (pictured), which attempts the same thing. Fendi indeed finds the waist, but in a dress that resembles a handbag. And we’ll get to coats later, but give a nod to Christian Dior’s gorgeous white waist-slimming couture number, which easily takes drama to the third power. We imagine the ready-to-wear version will have a thriftier diameter.

2. Outrageous Lengths

In Bridget Jones’ Diary, a computer message from her boss appears on Bridget’s screen: “You appear to have forgotten your skirt… Is skirt off sick?” The inquiry leads to all manner of fabulous comedy and inappropriate behavior. Yet his point is valid: If a skirt doesn’t actually cover the geography south of the waist, is it even there?

Designer Thakoon Panichgul would argue so, and his skirts are so cute we’ll let him. A short red ruffled plaid skirt throws a party underneath a long buttoned jacket. Michael Kors pulls the hem up on his simple red dress to semi-dangerous levels, while SoHo’s Abaete plays with a skating skirt and Baby Phat brings the hem of its cleavage-friendly pinstripe dress down (yes, we said down) to mid-thigh.

There’s also a whole different category of short, a short that American expatriates in 1920s Paris would have appreciated. Lanvin embellishes a black dress with sparkling silver strips, Donna Karan takes velvety liberties with a soft brown, and Zac Posen takes a sequined spin on the tuxedo that any flapper could have shimmied in. Diane Von Furstenberg tries to conservative-up her feathered and frilled number with a belt and a cardigan, but we can tell it’s scandalously gorgeous underneath, while Badgley Mischka entertains all our Gatsby fantasies.

Here’s the other tunnel in the 2008 skirt time machine: big, fully gathered skirts that almost resemble the housedresses of the ’50s and ’60s, but without the stiffness. Michael Kors plays with a wrapped print dress and coat with matching belt, bag and shoes; BCBG Max Azria presses pleats into a swirly white dress guaranteed to embarrass you when the wind catches it. Dior creates an aqua confection that belts a puffy wrap over a knee-length gathered skirt, while Narciso Rodriguez quiets the silhouette down to basic black. And honestly, we adore Roberto Cavalli this fall. His models float down the runway surrounded by yards of frills; some with florals and some with fur (pictured).

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